How Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) can help break “The Negative Cycle”

People are hard-wired for love, support, and connection with others. When we don’t get connection, we almost always respond with fear, anger, or distress. Consequently, when we don’t feel safe, secure, or loved by our spouse, we react negatively to them. This is the basis for most conflict between couples: one person’s negative reaction triggers the other person to also respond negatively, which prompts another negative reaction, and so on. This begins a negative cycle between the couple which takes on a life of its own.

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is designed to help couples identify their negative cycle and the individual needs that are not being met in the relationship. The aim is to change the direction of the cycle so that couples can begin to love and encourage one another, rather than engaging in a negative cycle of conflict and pain. Couples learn that the cycle, and not the other person, is the enemy.

Developed by Dr. Susan Johnson, EFT has been proven by numerous research studies to yield long-term positive results for couples. The number of recommended sessions depends on the couple and the situation. When addiction or other trauma is a part of the negative cycle, more time is needed to work through the relational issues.

What is EFT?

EFT is a short term (8-20 week) structured approach for couples that utilizes scientific understanding to change the way couples respond emotionally to each other.

This approach will help you each discover internal motivators that trigger unhealthy emotional responses and give you systematic ways to positively restructure your responses.

There is a substantial amount of research that shows that this form of treatment is incredibly effective in bringing stability to relationships where couples may deal with depression, anxiety from trauma, medical illnesses, or forgiveness dilemmas.

Dealing with Sexual Addiction in your relationship?

When sex addiction is a part of relational distress, the trauma within a relationship and family system is compounded. With the current availability and accessibility of internet porn, sexual addiction is becoming increasingly common. Sexual addiction has been described by experts as an intimacy disorder that impacts a person’s ability to engage meaningfully with the people closest to him or her.

We have therapists with specialized training in the area of sexual addiction and its impact on the spouse and family, and we can give confidential and supportive treatment.

(Our addiction segment on this site contains a preliminary sexual addiction screening.)

Why we do not bill insurance for couples counseling.

1. Technically, insurance companies only cover family counseling. The limitations on  what insurance will cover determine the time frame, frequency and cost of sessions. Since  couples counseling is a specialized field and requires extra training, we feel that the  counselor should be the one who determines the time frame and frequency of sessions.  This enables your therapist to tailor your services to meet your needs, rather than forcing  you to comply with the requirements established by insurance. 

2. Insurance companies require at least one family member to be diagnosed with a  mental illness in order to be eligible for services. Couples seeking relational counseling  do not always have a mental health diagnosis. Not billing insurance allows us freedom to  treat couples that do not have a mental health diagnosis. 

3. Our therapists are required to complete Emotional Focused Therapy (EFT) training in  order to see couples, as opposed to 82% of therapists who see couples and have no  specialized training in couples counseling. EFT is extensive and expensive training;  however, we feel that extra skills are necessary for our therapists to do effective relational  counseling. Therapists with EFT training (or other specialized couples training) generally  charge $200 or more a session and most do not accept insurance. They also tend to work  with fewer clients, which enables them to provide more focus and expertise in their work. 

4. Your relationship is worth the investment. The average attorney fee in a divorce is $3500  to $5000; however, this is for uncomplicated cases. Any disputes in divorce cases will cost  much more. Couples therapy is a bargain compared with the emotional and financial cost  of divorce.  

6. Although we can not offer guarantees, the success rate of EFT is about 75%. When  utilized with couples who are motivated to put in work and effort into therapy and are  willing to apply new skills, it is very effective.